Monday, November 2, 2009

Helping Kids Through the Holidays

I love Halloween because it signifies for me the real start of the Holiday season. After the candy is put away, it’s time to start preparations for Thanksgiving and then onto buying a Christmas tree and gifts and then onto New Year’s Eve parties. For many of us, it’s the most fun, happening time of the year! For lots of our kids, however, it signifies the time of year that is the most tumultuous and distressing. At MMS, I see a lot of students at this time who act out or feel sad, angry, or stressed out and don’t always know why. In this blog, I’ve outlined the top 3 reasons the holidays mark a very difficult time for some of our students.

Children of Divorce
Many of our students are children of divorce and the holidays mark a time when they are split between two households. Because Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukkah are such family-oriented holidays, kids often feel the stress of having to negotiate all of the different family dynamics. If you have gone through a divorce and have children, it’s important that you help reduce the stress that will inevitably build in your kids during the holidays. You can do that by limiting how much you talk in front of them about holiday logistics: who they’re spending what day with and at what time and for how long. These type of stressful conversations can build guilt and anxiety in kids. Also, talking to your kids about their stress is extremely important. Be HAPPY for them (or at least pretend!) when they go and see the other parent, rather than passive aggressive or resentful. It’s difficult for them to be in the middle, especially on the most important days of the year. Here are a couple more articles to peruse if you’re feeling in need of more holiday survival tips as a divorced parent:
http://www.divorcesource.com/CT/ARTICLES/wetstone1.html
http://www.divorcesource.com/CA/ARTICLES/nightingale5.html

Financial Hardship
Another reason the next two months are so difficult for our kids is the extra burden they place on families financially. For families that are already stretched thin or living paycheck to paycheck, the holidays can create an unbearable amount of stress and anxiety. This financial burden sometimes manifests itself in an increase in arguments between parents, alcohol abuse, and even physical or emotional abuse. Kids feel and internalize all of these effects and the holidays soon become a time they dread instead of happily anticipate. Here are a couple pointers if you’re finding yourself in an especially tight-budgeted holiday season:
Sit down with your kids and brainstorm ways that you can still have a fun-filled time without spending as much.
Try to avoid arguing with your spouse about money issues in front of your kids.
They don’t HAVE to get the newest ipod, Play Station, or designer jeans to be happy. You can create a very special holiday for them without spending a fortune.
If you’re feeling high amounts of stress due to money, take care of yourself so that the stress isn’t transferred to your kids. Avoid alcohol, get good sleep, eat well, and exercise.
If you are under extreme financial constraints and unable to afford any holiday meals, gifts, or warm clothing, call me and I will connect you to services in our community who have the resources to help!

Missing Loved Ones

For our students who have lost parents, siblings, and other loved ones, the holidays can be very difficult. The happiest time of the year can bring up the saddest times in our lives. The loss of a loved one becomes especially evident when there’s an empty seat at a holiday dinner or around the tree. Keep an eye on your kids if they’ve recently lost someone close to them. They may need to talk about that person and reminisce. If the loss is very recent, you may want to arrange away to honor that loved one at a meal or activity. For further reading on how to cope with the holidays after the loss of a loved one, check out these articles:
http://www.eldoradonews.com/news/WireHeadlines/2009/11/01/tips-to-help-grieving-loved-ones-during--61.php
http://depression.about.com/od/griefcomfort/a/holidaygrief.htm

If you feel that your child is experiencing an increase in stress, sadness, or anger around the holiday season and would like help, please do not hesitate to contact me. We can talk through the situation and figure out the best way to help your child find the happiness of the holidays again!



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